Awright geez! Eastender’s eh?  What’s all the fuss about?  Judging by the amount of moronic complaints the show has garnered, anyone would think the BBC had actually murdered a baby and swapped its corpse.

If, like me, you cannot stand Eastenders allow me to to give you a little background:  The New Year storyline for the programme involved Ronnie Branning swapping her dead baby for a living one, which probably isn’t a fair swap.

Most people – certainly not all – realise that Eastenders is nothing more than a trashy prime-time soap-opera that is often, if not always, pretty ludicrous.  The whole point of the show is that it helps people escape from the crushing mundanity of their boring lives.  Realism, therefore, is not on the agenda for Eastenders.

Unfortunately, there is a contingent of squealing, hysterical Daily Mail readers who get off on being routinely outraged by the most trivial concerns. It is these people who ruin it for the rest of us.  And therein lies the problem.

Obviously, the storyline of the show has hit a nerve with some and they’ve made it known to the BBC, who have surely only done what they meant to do – entertain.

While cot death and even baby-swapping are real problems, they are not something that the majority of the population experiences and if anything, using Eastenders as a platform could certainly raise awareness.

I’m sure it is a sensitive subject, especially to people who have suffered the effects of something so terrible, but Eastenders should not be blamed for anything more than simply being shit.  Nobody complains when someone is murdered and buried in a shallow grave on a soap-opera, even though it’s just as serious, nor did they start shrieking when Coronation Street had a serial killer.  So why then, are people so up in arms about it all?

Well, the only thing that comes to mind is the earlier point of Middle-England.  It’s middle-England who cause the real trouble and get upset about the daftest things.  Let’s not forget, soap operas do not represent real life.

Speaking on Radio 4, John Yorke, controller of BBC drama production, summed it all up in one sentence:  ”Our job is to create a drama that people talk about”.  And seeing as that’s exactly what’s happened, they’ve done what they were meant to do.  Besides, even if people are appalled by the show, at least they’ll be able to open up  a debate on the subject and reach their own conclusions.

Anne Diamond – surely the duchess of banality – has thrown her oar in too.  Her child died of cot death 20 years ago and she’s accusing the Eastenders writers of losing the plot!

If Anne Diamond is championing your cause, you should know that it’s a crock of shit.

And while I’m at – Mumsnet also pisses me off.  According to the BBC, the Mumsnet website has been ‘inundated’ with complaints about the show, as if a shitty website with a shitty name has any say over what is produced and broadcast.

What do they expect would happen?!

“Hello mumsnet, I was not very happy about the Eastenders storyline, as I thought it was crass and vulgar and sensationalised something for the purpose of entertaining people like me who watch it.  I would like to complain to you – an unrelated party – about the fact that I watch Eastenders and am prone to unnecessary outbursts of knee-jerk rage.”

Now that’s settled, which hard-hitting issues would you like to see Eastenders tackle in the future?  How about a storyline where it turns out Shane Richie has been having vivid sex with goats, or what about Phil Mitchell killing a man in cold blood with a toaster before dissolving his body in a barrel of acid.

Let me know what you think and we can engineer some outrage to give mumsnet and Anne Diamond something to really get their teeth into.