Only one thing can/should be said of Michel Roux’s Service:  Utter tosswank!

The premise of the show is basically Junior Apprentice in a restaurant, where gormless teenagers take part in a battle-to-the-death style contest.  The ultimate prize is a career spent surrounded by smug tossers in a smug tosser establishment.  It seems that nowadays, anyone can grovel for a job on TV, no matter what the industry.

Michel Roux Jr plays the eponymous Alan Sugar role of trying to pick the most malleable candidates suitable for a job in his restaurant.  The Apprentice style of the show is mirrored in the choice of background music and I’m sure there will be plenty more comparisons to come in the series.

But my question is, who is Michel Roux Jr?  Besides being a chef with a famous daddy, his main occupation is being a patronising cunt.  How do these nobodies keep getting their own shows?  I’d never heard of him, nor has anyone I know, although I admit to not knowing the types of cunt that would know who he is, so maybe I’m not reliable.

Amid the typical wine-snob cuntery I’d expect of a millionaire chef, Roux also has a predisposition to a messianic complex, who clearly see himself as Jesus, healing the lepers of fine dining.

Perhaps I’m the only person who doesn’t know, but since when has being a waiter been considered anything other that lowly grunt work?  The winners are likely to be the cunts who can talk down to their hopeless peers the best, the losers – everyone else – are likely to be reduced to a quivering wreck by the end of the competition.

Everyone on the show is, of course, a complete fucking bozo and none of them would deserve to win a scrabbling around in the mud for pennies contest, never mind a shitty job.

To combat the fact that all the contestants are ignorant, selfish arseholes with not a personality between them, the producers have made sure to pick a gang of hopefuls for every target audience.  These include: a young single mother, a bad-boy done good, a handful of bitchy, useless girls and at least one black person, thus ensuring that every demographic has someone to root for!

At one point in the show, ‘feisty one with a Midlands accent’ Nikita ( I think that’s the one) is told that if she wants to be a role model for her kid, she must learn to smell the difference between wines.  Hardly an aspirational skill to the vast majority of society.  Also, I’m pretty sure she also said “my baby daddy left me” at some point, which would be wonderful if I heard her right.

Roux’s assistant is a French stereotype called Fred, a wholly disagreeable git who can patronise and insult at the same time.  As someone who admires the French, it is very difficult for me to watch this show and resist descending into fits of xenophobic rage because of this awful man.

Having toiled in the service industry, I recognise people like these a mile away and they are always wankers whether they work in Frankie and Benny’s or some posho hole.  What this show doesn’t tell you though, is that the public are even bigger wankers and if it weren’t for them being so fussy (or perhaps managers expecting them to be so fussy) this line of work would be a piece of piss.

Initial reaction to the show came from the gut and hasn’t settled just yet.  I thought that with the coming of new decade, that reality game shows would be out in the cold, but it seems that I was wrong.  What bothers me more though, is that ‘aspirational programming’ seems to be key at the moment and that life under a Tory government means we’ll probably be seeing much more of this pigshit.